Oh crat, Dave!

Let’s get two things straight.

1.  Lily likes to practice her scissor skills.

2. In addition to Lily’s pretend friend Sister, she also has one named Dave. He’s nothing but trouble. Seriously. He’s in time out all the time, literally, for saying “stupid” and “Roll Tide”.

Now that we are clear on those two things, we can move on to the conversation Lily and I had today in my bed. I had the stomach bug and she was keeping me company.

Lily was cutting a Target ad and, of course, getting little shavings of paper all over my bed.

Lily: I cut the target [she cut through the red target]. Should I say ‘oh crat’?
Me: Should you say what?
Lily: Oh crat
Me: {What in the world is she saying? O crat??? OH CRAP! She is saying ‘oh crap’!!!!!}

Upon my realization, I responded as all wise mothers do who are trying to teach their children manners and morals, I sternly corrected her and washed her mouth out with soap laughed hysterically as she continued to say oh crat over and over again, because I had made it clear by my laughter that it was an entertaining phrase.

I finally gained composure, after hearing oh crat come from her sweet little out about 15 more times.

Me: Lily, we can not say that word. It’s not a nice word.
Lily: What? You mean oh crat?
She had to say it just one more time while it was safe to use it without consequence.
Me: Yes, Lily. Please don’t say that anymore.
Lily: Mommy, Dave says oh crat all the time. And he says stupid and Roll Tide. He sits in time out all day long because he says oh crat.
Me: We don’t need to repeat what Dave says.
Lily: But Dave…
Me: Lily, no more Dave.

Honestly, I think the only reason Dave exists in her mind is so she can have an innocent reason to use “bad words” without getting in trouble. But she only says these forbidden words when Dave is around. When he’s gone, Lily is definitely on duty as the bad word police.

By the way…I did not teach her that Roll Tide is a bad word.

And for the record, if you find this funny (as I hope you do) but remind Lily of this phrase, this momma will correct you. Thanks in advance for NOT using oh crat, oh crap, or any other variation around my child.