If there is anything I hate, it is surely debt. I would dare say I hate it more than Mr. Dave Ramsey.
Let’s do some math.
What happens when you add these four guys together???
I’m very thankful for text messaging. I can’t imagine what today between 10:30 and now would have been like with a bunch of phone calls.
How far along: 19 weeks
Baby Bump: Yes, my belly has all of the sudden popped. It’s very obvious now 🙂
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants are a necessity these days. Shirts, not so much. Regular pants are just WAY too uncomfortable.
Total Weight Gain: +1 pound, which I’m thrilled about because at this point in my pregnancy with Lily I had already gained 15-20 pounds.
Cravings: JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE FOOD!!! Love and crave it all: the soup with slivers of mushroom, the iceberg lettuce with ginger dressing, every single vegetable I can cram in my throat, all the fried rice, and the hibachi chicken. And all of that smothered in the pink shrimp sauce. AH-MAZING! We discovered a yummy hibachi steakhouse near our house and they don’t cook in front of you, so it’s cheaper. I can’t decide if this is a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. I’m sure it will cause that 1 pound to increase greatly for the next 20ish weeks.
Food that nearly makes me vomit when I think about it: Nothing lately
Symptoms: Still having some awful round ligament pain that pretty much paralyzes me for a couple seconds. Not sleeping well. And my uterus must already be taking up space that my bladder usually does because I go to the bathroom constantly.
Sleep: Huh? What’s that? Oh, you mean that time of rest at night that allows you to function each day? Yeah right.
Movement: Yes! But it’s unpredictable.
Gender: Find out on the 25th! And if it’s a boy, you are in for a treat with the name :). Although, we have one person we have to talk to before the boy name is set in stone. And if it’s not a boy, we still aren’t giving away the boy name but I promise you’ll like the girl name (as soon as we figure out what it is ourselves).
Belly button in or out: In
What I miss: Laying on my belly in the floor to play with Lily
Best Moment: Finding out I’ve only gained a pound, when I was sure to be on the plus side at least by 15 pounds by now.
Biggest Challenge: It’s not so much a challenge, but we are playing “pretend there is a baby asleep in the nursery” a lot to hopefully teach Lily when it is ok/not ok to be loud.
I always think in the moment that this is the worst fit she’s ever thrown and I’m the only mom that has a child who acts like this. Because in the moment it can get pretty ugly. And fear makes a home in my head reminding me that there are times when relief and help will not be around. He’ll be out of town. And I just shut doors to separate myself because it’s all I know to do. A break, never from her, but from the stress and chaos that leaves me empty–a break so I can break and crumble into a million pieces because I.just.can’t.do.it.
I hate what gets me to this point of brokenness. But the brokenness is certainly what I need and what You desire. Broken over the sin of self. The sin that convinces me that though I know I can’t do it on my own, I can at least give it a shot.
Why can’t You break me easily?
Foolish me. I know the answer.
Easier would just be…well, easier, right? But I’m not here for the easy. That’s a dead end street with no reward. I’m here for the hard and the holy. Not because I chose it, but gratefully because You drew me to it and demanded it. It’s no dead end street. You are at the end, when really You are the beginning, and You are my reward.
the way is easy that leads to destruction. the way is hard that leads to life.
So here I am in my most vulnerable and humble state begging for your help. Parenting is simply discipleship. But making a disciple is no simple task.
I don’t want to only find You when I’m at the end of my rope. May I find You at the beginning when things are blissful, in the middle when things are getting a little crazy, and at the end when I’m crying, she’s yelling and we both have lost sight of what the problem ever was in the first place.
Lord, in the middle of all the mess, let her see Your goodness in turning the messy into something beautiful. Let forgiveness and unconditional love always abound in our hearts and in our home.
The ugly mess we sinners get ourselves into is inevitable. Oh God, may the ugliness never cease to lead us to You. Thank You that even in our sin, You don’t throw us back onto the easy path that leads to destruction. You offer forgiveness and grace and hold us tight on the hard path that leads to life.
I should have written this post in May of 2010. Actually, I’ve been writing this post in my head since then. Now it’s time (way overdue) for a post.
Something I did today spurred me on.
A great friend of mine leaves tomorrow to serve orphans in Mexico for a week. Is it ok to be jealous of her?She gets to love on the least of these. She gets to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the fatherless. I can think of no one with a bigger heart for orphans than my friend. I’m thrilled for her and excited God has afforded her this opportunity.