I always think in the moment that this is the worst fit she’s ever thrown and I’m the only mom that has a child who acts like this. Because in the moment it can get pretty ugly. And fear makes a home in my head reminding me that there are times when relief and help will not be around. He’ll be out of town. And I just shut doors to separate myself because it’s all I know to do. A break, never from her, but from the stress and chaos that leaves me empty–a break so I can break and crumble into a million pieces because I.just.can’t.do.it.
I hate what gets me to this point of brokenness. But the brokenness is certainly what I need and what You desire. Broken over the sin of self. The sin that convinces me that though I know I can’t do it on my own, I can at least give it a shot.
Why can’t You break me easily?
Foolish me. I know the answer.
Easier would just be…well, easier, right? But I’m not here for the easy. That’s a dead end street with no reward. I’m here for the hard and the holy. Not because I chose it, but gratefully because You drew me to it and demanded it. It’s no dead end street. You are at the end, when really You are the beginning, and You are my reward.
the way is easy that leads to destruction. the way is hard that leads to life.
So here I am in my most vulnerable and humble state begging for your help. Parenting is simply discipleship. But making a disciple is no simple task.
I don’t want to only find You when I’m at the end of my rope. May I find You at the beginning when things are blissful, in the middle when things are getting a little crazy, and at the end when I’m crying, she’s yelling and we both have lost sight of what the problem ever was in the first place.
Lord, in the middle of all the mess, let her see Your goodness in turning the messy into something beautiful. Let forgiveness and unconditional love always abound in our hearts and in our home.
The ugly mess we sinners get ourselves into is inevitable. Oh God, may the ugliness never cease to lead us to You. Thank You that even in our sin, You don’t throw us back onto the easy path that leads to destruction. You offer forgiveness and grace and hold us tight on the hard path that leads to life.